Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
