I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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