I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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