try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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