For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
