Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
