You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
