sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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