Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
