I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
