making cat noises will not fix the situation.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
