Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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