it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
