I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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