This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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