when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
