im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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