You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize