I want to walk on stilts...naked
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I deserve this hangover.
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