What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
