The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
