and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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