babies were throwing up all over the place
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
