So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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