Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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