Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
