She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Who put my cat in the fridge?
soo... how was my night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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