she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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