***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
