So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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