I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
