Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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