There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
