I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
