sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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