from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
