So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
