I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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