Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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