Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
