the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
