just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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