I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
