I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
