This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
