some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
