Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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