I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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