They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
