I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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