Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
