Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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