i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
