Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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