He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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