Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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