If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
