i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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