You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
