Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
