I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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