she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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