he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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