no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
