I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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