Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
