his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
