ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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