OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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