a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
