Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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