hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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