But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
