I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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