Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
