I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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