im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
