It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
