You're completely useless in the revolution.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
