Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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