Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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