Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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