Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
