Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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