she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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