Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
